Monday, January 9, 2012

When "Life" Gets In the Way

So ... here I am, almost two years since my last post. I have debated whether or not I should explain my absence or just carry on as if nothing is amiss? For the sake of posterity, (I plan to print our blog for each of our children someday.) I will try. One of the main reasons I began blogging was because traditional scrap booking was becoming just too much for me in this season of life. If you know anything at all about me, you know I am an "all or nothing" kind of girl. So, the scrapbooks were "scraped" (for this time), and so began "Molding Godly Hearts" - our family's new scrapbook. From the time I was pregnant with Marshall, I have always wanted our children to know "their story", unique to them, designed by God. I have journaled and wrote "love notes" to them. I have purposed myself  that they would know our motivation in parenting them. While we fail miserably, much, Troy and I have always known our job is to equip and prepare them for God's unique purpose and calling on their lives.

In April of 2010, life got busy, my computer crashed and probably a hundred other reasons excuses kept me from blogging. For the longest time, I intended just to "go back and catch up"! But, just like laundry, once your blog is out of control it is hard to get caught up. So, (again, with the all or nothing) I did what has worked in the past with the piles of laundry ... I shut the laundry room door and went shopping for new underwear! :o) I put the blog out of my mind and carried on with my molding Godly hearts, just without pictures and documentation. And then came April 2011.

April 1, 2011, our nephew, Zachary Tyler, my sister's handsome, full of life and love son, left this world to be with Jesus, and nothing will ever be the "same" for our family. Obviously, this is now part of our children's story. So, how does this relate specifically to my lack of blogging? Well, my last entry, until today, was a picture of Zach and Mitchell just before Mitchell became the new (and current!) record holder of the "Earliest Entry" into Aunt Tammy & Uncle Jim's pool on Resurrection Sunday! See, that picture is the perfect "picture" of what Zach brought to the party (and our family)! Zach LIVED life and challenged those he was around to do the same. So, for nine months, even though I have desperately needed a place to put my thoughts, I could not bring myself to post. Still doesn't make sense? When I would open the blog, which I do a lot because of my play list, I could not bear to post about something frivolous or happy because then, Zach('s picture) would move down and eventually be out of our minds.

Now, rationally, I know that makes absolutely no sense, but that is just how my brain works. Zach's short 24 years were full! There are more "Zach stories" and memories than any other person I know! They are a combination of smirky faced pranks, daredevil stunts and precious tender moments, all weaved together with his hysterical laughter. Zach will always remain in our lives whether I see his picture everytime I open my blog or not. He is still "with us", and God delights in showing us in concrete ways. 

The morning of Zach's memorial service as we backed out of our driveway (all of us dressed in black and the boys in their "Chuck's" *smiles*), I heard Matthew West's, Save A Place For Me for the first time. I did not know at the time, my sister had picked this song to accompany Zach's "picture story" shown at the church. While the numbness is still subsiding, I have finally decided that I have to "make the most of my time" and for me, that includes telling our story, giving all praise and glory to Jesus!

(Remember to pause the music player at the right before playing this video.)

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